Soul Be It

http://soulbeit.blogspot.com/

Another phase of my life

Intoxication

I am under the influence of alcohol. It will be amusing to see what entry I have here.

Ok, first of all, I am a lousy drinker. I am only on Alize. Cognac only.

So, I'm getting a high on cognac and classical music bursting in my ears via the ear phones.

It is November and my BD has passed.

I didn't go any where out of the country although I still could if I really want to. I have tickets to Gentings Highland. But I shall not utilize it because it is more important to be at home now that my bloody maid is gone. Saddam damn bitch. Fucking hell. Let's not talk about it. I almost want to see her in hell but I thought I am better than that. I let it pass.

So anyway. Here am I. All full 36 years old. Too old to live too young to die. No lar. This is just the alcohol working. Ha ha. So anyway, Finally I am going for formal painting lessons although it scares the hell of me. Not the painting, painting comes naturally. It is the socializing. I HATE socializing with new people. I dont know them, they dont know me. Who cares about what happends to me or them. But for the sake of my baby, I must push my boundary. Come on. It wont kill me to step out. What can be worse? Just people thinking you're a moroon.

Ok, so anyway. I love painting and I am so bloody glad I persued it.

So, my BD came and went. I played Cashflow 101 with PW till 4 in the morning. what a way to spend my BD. come on come on, get out of the rat race! to have money is not enough! you need to have passive income. Passive! means that even if you're sleeping, you're still getting paid!. It is really easier said than done.

Kiki is a superb baby. I love her to pieces. I am so damn glad that the episodes with the maid happened. I now am able to handle my baby! Oh Great!.

So anyway... there's nothing new happening. Just that I wanna paint.

Good night.

2nd September 2009

I dont know what's happening. I am somewhat bored or somewhat listless. or somewhat in a vacume. I am not very sure what im doing. Every day, I wake up at six in the morning and once in a blue moon i dont feel like getting up but most of the days i have no problem getting up. work starts at 830 but i reach office at 730 and make myself a cup of coffee and whatever breakfast that i may be having which is usually 2 slices of bread with my favourite butter, salted butter. Then I'll run through my work emails and probably start with work. Half the time wanting to do something else like surfing the net but will have no clue what to surf and end up deleting junk mails from my mailbox. Then when the clock strikes 830, I'll officially be busy with real work till 6 in the evening and then I'll lament that I didn't check the TOTO results etc and I'll take the mini-bus home but it doesnt stop there, it passes by my home but it stops at Bedok MRT and I'll spend another 45 mins trying to get home where it is so close yet so far away. 730 home, Kiki will either be awake or falling asleep so it depends on her wakefullness before I know if I'll be bathing or playing with her. She doesn't giggle or gurgle with me as much as she does with Bren or some other people. Maybe my voice is not high pitched enough or have she not seen enough of my face. Sometimes at work, I forget that I have a baby. In fact, I don't know what's the matter with me I don't feel motherly. yet, is it yet or is it I never will? I don't have that whinny dependency or attachment to her. Is there something wrong with me? I dont know what to do with her and I got lazy and did not do much with her. Should I be singing, reading, laughing with her? I dont know, it seems that all she does is to drink milk, cry, cranky and sleep. I need activities, I need more. I need to do more. More of what? I don't know. Get out, get out. Just go anywhere with her. Can't wait for the ghost month to be over, can't wait for fasting month to be over. Then I shall bring both Kiki and the maid out. To visit anyone, visit relatives, to go get some nice food maybe. The maid has been good and bad. Got to forget the bad things and look at the good. The good thing is that she is good with Kiki and I guess that is the most important thing. So forget the part about her hubby calling her more often than I call my mom. I dont think it is right to find fault or be unhappy with the person caring for your baby. Afterall, they care for your baby. All the more I must learn to like her. Be loving. Be embracing. And be giving.
I am excited that I am having a weeks off in November, the week of my birthday but I have no idea what to do with the free time. Should I book a chalet, who will come. Should I take a holiday, where to go. I told Brendan that I will just take the KTM train to anywhere it will stop in Malaysia and just get lodging for the night and move from town to town. He says that is not much of a plan. I think I will just take a holiday by myself. I would like to do that. Good.

24th August Monday

It has been four weeks since I've returned to work and work is more or less still the same, busy and stressful. I must learn to relax and slow down or this is really not helping. At least I still do enjoy part of my work, just not the stress that comes along with it. Anyway, I am glad that finally the company bus goes to Bedok MRT where I can then get another bus back home. I do hope to reach home much earlier and I shall aim to be home by 7.30pm latest. Also, I'm going to check out the gym at Grand Mecure Hotel so that I can do the treadmill and swim at the pool regularly. Yes, I have to loose weight now. Eat well, loose weight and then build up my health for another baby. Yes, we would really like to have another baby. Must take care of our health now. Sale of the old flat will complete next month (end Sept) and we shall have our big pay day. I am so excited for it and we'll celebrate the joyous event. I'm so sorry I havent been writing here, life is pretty busy lately. But life is good. Take care my friends and hope to hear from you once in a while.

Returning to work

I'm returning to work on Monday. I have no feelings pertaining to it.
Whatever comes, I'll adjust.
I'll just make myself happy Every Day.

Kiki baby is doing fine, though ocassionally there'll be some crying spells in the middle of the night. My maid pulled the cord to the musical box at 3 in the morning, the noise was piercing. I told her not to do that again as it will disturb the neighbours. I also told her not to do that if I'm sleeping, cos I'm a light sleeper. Ever since becoming a mom, I spring up from bed at any odd hours when I hear my baby cry. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6am, get the picture. I now understand why my colleagues yawn in the middle of the day. I sure hope I won't do that. I dislike people yawning out of the blue. I think that if you yawn in the middle of a conversation you're being very rude. And I am disgusted when I walk into a store and the sales person yawns. The only person who yawns and I find it adorable is that of my baby. (well, well, well) She was born yawning and she yawns pretty much. Everyone who sees it will tell me she's sleepy, which is not always the case. I guess she just needs more oxygen for her brain that's all. I have yet to bring Kiki to my office though I think it will be nice. Well, let's hope it will happen tomorrow. I've been cooking quite a bit lately but it is no big deal, cos all the fancy dishes comes with pre-mixed sauces in a sachet. That is like cheating in a test so I don't take credit for it. I think I should lighten up cos all I do is being hard on myself. I don't know why I'm like this and I hope I can be kinder to myself like I'm kind to others. I thought of visiting ION - the new shopping place at the heart of Orchard but I will feel guilty if I spend time away from my baby, more so now that I'm left with just a few days of leave. I read in a magazine that there's a thing called "working mother's guilt" and it says we ought to overcome it. A happy mother will bring about a happy child, so please throw the guilt out of the windows. I hope you will get used to me writing in this style, probably with lesser and lesser pictures while I just rattle off whatever's on my mind. I went to "swim" in the sea this afternoon and am glad that I've got a tan. But the legs can do with more tanning while the arms can take a break. It is not easy to work a tan if you're not lying flat on the ground. Nobody does that at East Coast, not on a weekday at least, hence I'm too conscious to the attention if I do. Nowadays, on a weekday, be prepared to have China nationals men checking you out if you're swimming at the beach. They are more blatant than the locals. If I were a lot slimmer I probably wouldn't care two hoots. Oh but thanks to them the beach is clean. I see China men picking up rubbish along the coast in the morning. They are probably cleaning contractors. Our Singapore is so clean because we've got people sweeping the roads, the parks, the estates. We've got foreign contractors prunning the trees and planting wild flowers on road dividers. Once I saw a man counting and recording the numbers of flowers that were freshly planted. They probably get paid by the clusters. So much so for a green city, it's systematic and robotic. But oh no don't get me wrong, I do like the trees. We've got so many giant ones around, feels good. The fake-feels are the flowers. My maid has a cynical sense of humour. The boy's balloon burst while he was at the playground and she said "bomb Jakarta, bomb!" what kind of joke is that. As you can see, I can go on forever but your eyes need rest. Goodnight.

Being Busy

Every day is a busy day. Now that we've sold our old flat, we're in the midst of transporting all the stuff we've packed, over to our new place. There is just so little storage space here and I'm immobilized, I can't seem to get any packing done! Stress, stress. Designated this whole week to packing but Harjit visited today, and so we spent the time chit chatting with an old friend. We've not catch up in the past 3 years! Then, Bren & I went walking along the beach. Breeze walk we call it. Nice. Can work out a sweat. I'm being rather conscious of my weight & figure.... back to that fat figure of 58kg.... how to loose 10kg? There's just so many things to do. Trying to spend every minute as constructively as possible when I'm with Kiki. Oh, brought her to the market this morning. She was quite curious on her surroundings. All the aunties asked if she was a boy =/
Other than that, she's rather cranky, demanding and manja, always wanting to be held, cuddled and entertained! Talk about royal treatment. I don't know if we're doing it right but well,,,,,,,, for the time being, whatever makes her stop crying will work for us.
Weds- will be out with Aunt Serene
Thurs- Jac, PW & Joy are visiting
Sat- Going to Godma's place

Pack, pack, pack!! Help.

Life is Good

Life is good.

I get the chance to take a break, surf the net, go to the beach, go shopping.
There are still lots of stuff unpacked and disorganised but I'm in no hurry.
Lazy.

I feel guilty if I'm away from Kiki in her waking hours.
I feel that I ought to be playing with her, bonding with her, as much as I can while I'm on leave.
So, I'ld better get going.

This weekend, Ex-Bintan colleagues are coming over.
Next Tuesday, it will be the Reiki friends.
Then the Marinehub people. And the ANA people.
Then many smaller groups and individuals. Gabriel, Adeline.

I wanna keep in shape. Got to go exercise and sweat it out.

Okay, that's this much for now.

Life's good.

Take care.

I miss it here

I miss it here, and so I've returned.

Is there anybody out there?

Anyone still here? Leave me a comment. Anonymously also ok.

Ok, so I'm back. Back as me. Ya, I'm a mom now but I'm still me. I think I need my identity still; you know,, me as a functional or sometimes dysfunctional human being. Being real, being stupid, being selfish, being selfless, being generous, being petty. Whatever. Just being me.

I think the last time I had a real entry was before I gave birth to a lovely baby girl. So much has happened and I do wish to remember it. Let me see where to begin. Ok, firstly, I haven't lost my angst and so you can be assured that I have not changed much. (definition: angst - an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom)

My water broke at about 6 in the morning of 4th April. I was peacefully lying in bed with Brendan, we were both so peaceful, soaking in the atmosphere of an early morning and the up and coming events which were: having a baby and moving to a new house, and then it happened. I felt a membrane ruptured. It felt like a soft burst of a thin piece of paper. I panicked. I said, "oh shit, oh shit my water broke!" I remember my hands were trembling when I called for my gynea. And touch phones make things worse when you're panicking! I couldn't scroll to the number and I kept punching in the wrong digits. Boy, was I freaked out.

I was kept waiting till about 11am before I was in the labour ward. I think it was about 2pm when my gynea ordered induced labour drip but still my cervix did not open. It remained closed till 10pm and my gynea said 16 hours of labour is fair enough and said we should proceed for cesarean and so I was wheeled in at about 11pm. I don't understand how come nobody talks about the process of cesarean, nothing could prepare me for it. It was traumatizing. I felt like a cow being opened up and a cattle was being pulled out from my stomach. The after-hours was worse. My womb was still contracting (the drip for inducing labour was still in effect, even as the painkiller wore off!) my god, during those hours, I wished I was dead. Of course now that it is over I am fine but then, I thought death was less painful then what I was having. I remember thinking to myself that if I survive this, once is enough, one baby is enough. But when I saw Kiki, I realised that she needs a sibling. You know, to rely on. They can have each other when we're gone. And so I know that I have to have another one. The power of Two. Just look at me. I have my sister. Eventhough she came seven years later, I still do rely on her for strength. I am stronger because I know I can count on her. I am stronger because I know she can count on me. And so it is.

Then came the breast feeding saga.
I was so stupid, I took breast feeding too lightly.
I messed with nature and I paid the price. A very high price. It was hell.
I thought I would try to breast feed and so the nurses brought Kiki to me to stimulate milk production. On the day that I was discharged, my breasts were engorged in the evening after I got home. They swelled to the size of ruby balls and they were hard like stone. I was in pain, pain and tremendous stress. I felt sick, feverish, cold and hot all at the same time. My armpits swelled to the size of an apple and I was horrified. For two days, I pumped out the milk for 4 hours in a row and they all came back engorged within an hour. I was forever pumping and my nipples cracked and blood came out. It was pure hell. I never got a wink of sleep for 4 days straight and I was loosing my mind. I was terrified and prayed for divine help. I regretted that I took it too lightly. It takes a lot of commitment to breast feed and I wasn't ready. I wasn't the type. I am not the typical , self-sacrificing mother. I feel that I contribute better in a thousand other ways. I just am not ready to be so great a mother and I have no guilt that I do not want to breast feed. I got so angry that the medical professionals made it so difficult for me to quit. They lectured me, persuaded me, pressured me, threatened me and bullied me. I felt like a victim and was very emotional. To hell with them, they were biased and it is not fair that they forced it on me. I battled the nurses, I battled the doctor at the A&E. Eventually, I got to see my gynea and he empathized with me. I said it was unfair that they taught me to induce milk but refused to let me stop. The whole thing was not an informed choice and that breast milk IS OVERRATED. I think some of them will want to burn me on a stick. I was fighting an army of activists and I felt the weight and fury all burdened upon me. Finally, I got my strength back and I fought my way to obtain the pills to help subside my swelling breasts. It was over. It took about a week to settle off. I've learnt a painful lesson. Jump with eyes opened. Never jump with eyes closed.

And so, one week was spent settling my physical and emotional problems.
I quickly regained my focus and focused on Kiki. I picked up skills from the confinement nanny. I was hands on, I fed, bathed, burped her.

Then came the move.
I cried so hard that morning we left commonwealth.
I cried so hard that Brendan cried with me.
I have to let it out.
I love that place eventhough it was small and cramped.
I felt that I was forcing myself to move on.
I don't know.
I still do miss it. I have lost my foothold. It was a place I felt it was my home.
I grew in it.
But then it is just like this.
I have to move on. I have to progress with life.
I can't just hold on and not grow.
And so I let it go.
On the way to our new place, I said goodbye to everything I see.
I was heart brokened.
I didn't look forward to the new house as much as Brendan did.
I had to learn to like it.
I only liked the bigger space.
And the sky.
I could see the sky now.
From my windows.
I liked that.
Yes. I liked that.

I guess I will learn to grow here.
Grow my memories.

Our guppies died.
I cried.
They were like the remains of the old flat and they died.
They were the third generation from the original generation.
And they died.
All swept clean. As if someone wants to sweep me clean. Cleaned from all memories of the old flat.
Okay, I get it.

And so it is.

Migration

I have migrated to

http://www.rachaeljoan.blogspot.com

See you there. 

Feast of Love

I watched this over HBO last night, starring Morgan Freeman (Harry), Greg Kinnear (Bradley). I watched from halfway through the plot, but it was already quite good for me. I will catch it from the beginning on a re-run I suppose.

The story is about love in its many forms. Romantic love, parental love, grief on loss, gay love, as well as love affair.

Harry, an old, university professor took indefinite leave to grief over the death of his only son who died over drug abuse. He said, how could he not see it? How did he miss it? (His son was a medical doctor and who would think that he had a drug problem?) Harry is remorseful and begins to distant himself from his loving and patient wife. He told Chloe (a young adult who has recently found love), to"get pregnant immediately when you get married. after the baby's born, do it again. have two." He said to her.

Bradley runs a coffee shop business, his wife left him for another woman, he was devastated. How did he miss it? He questions himself. He fell in love with his realtor, who broke off a long term affair to marry Bradley, but later left Bradley and reunites with her lover who eventually left his wife. Devastated for the second time, Bradley tried cutting off his pinky finger and was rushed to the hospital. He fell in love with the doctor who attended to him. Good thing that the latter was also in love with him. So he finally found someone who loves him as much as he loves her.

Oscar works at the coffee shop. It was love at first sight when he laid eyes on Chloe. The young couple knew they were meant for each other. Money was tight, they had to bunk in at friends' apartments. They want to be together. One day Chloe went to a psychic about her future, the psychic told her about the impending death of her partner. It was terrible news for her but she headed home and asked Oscar to marry her. They were married, Chloe was expecting a baby, but the fateful day came.

Below is the conversation between Harry & Bradley one late night at the park:-

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800027/quotes

Harry Stevenson: God is either dead, or he despises us.
Bradley Thomas: You don't really believe that.
Harry Stevenson: Maybe. I saw the most remarkable thing just now. I wandered into the stadium, I thought I was alone... but down on the 50 yard line there was a couple. They were making love. I watched for longer then I should have. I was envious... and then I felt sorry for them. There's so much they don't know; heartbreak they can't even imagine.
Bradley Thomas: [sighs] Well, even if they knew, it wouldn't change anything.
Harry Stevenson: How so?
Bradley Thomas: Chloe knew what was going to happen to Oscar.
Harry Stevenson: She knew?
Bradley Thomas: She did. She went to some psychic lady, predicted the whole thing.
Harry Stevenson: She believe her?
Bradley Thomas: Yes, Harry, she did. She didn't run away, she didn't crawl into a hole. She found them a house. She threw away her birth control and married him. God doesn't hate us, Harry. If he did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave.

Yes indeed.

If he did, he wouldn't have made our hearts so brave.

My Sweet Man

I am grateful for having him.

Many times I get incensed or enraged by him.

Many times I get hurt over his insensitivity.

Many times I get angry at him.

But many times, I am grateful for having him.

He has been plying up and down to Marine Parade co-ordinating on the renovation works and waking up fairly early in the morning over the weekends. He goes over early to the new house, buys packets of coffees for my cousins (but they turned up late). He is always thinking of others.

That evening, I saw that he looked tired. Oh. And he still took the time to do my laundry. I ran out of shorts to wear,, I had to borrow his. And he quickly did the laundry in-between takes.

He sent me to the hotel where I attended the wedding dinner and he waited around, went for his dinner and waited for me.

We have quite a bit of fun sometimes.

We started calling ourselves "Kiki Daddy" & "Kiki Mommy".

I asked him to take some pictures for Kiki Mommy (me),, and so he snapped away.

Then he asked, "How about Kiki Daddy?"

And so I snapped a picture of him. Half dressed but all game.

And so ladies & gentlemen, this is Kiki's Daddy.

Grammar Nerd

Janice recommended me this blog some time ago and I do enjoy this guy's humor
http://metrodad.typepad.com/

He talks mainly about being a dad to a 4-year-old.

Then there was this entry about him being a "Grammar Nerd" (entry March 08, 2009)
I laughed to myself because I am also sometimes like that, you know, getting either on others' nerves by correcting their speeches or getting on my own nerves by not correcting them!
The thing is,, my grammer is less than perfect and I am sure I make numerous fundamental mistakes too. I am not the authority, no where close. But, still, I cringe when I hear broken-English sometimes, and I am unforgiving with commercial companies / businesses making grammar mistakes on their prints or websites. I often wonder,, once, someone asked me if a fat person could judge another person for being fat or ugly. She said, if you're not good looking, you cannot critise another person on the looks. She said unless you are very pretty or gorgeous, then you have the right to comment. Err.... that doesn't seem to make sense to me.

So anyhow,, I cringe each time my colleague says "Did you heard me?", "Did you received my email?" I cringe. And they always ask "can you borrow me your charger".

Recently, I was surfing an on-line store which sells baby stuff.

Quote from the webiste:-http://www.pupsikstudio.blogspot.com/

"It has been a hectic week for us at Pupsik Studio! With much excitement, we are happy to announce that our new pouch designs have arrived! Not only do we have more colours and designs this time, we are also introducing reversible ones for those of you who like having 2 pouches in 1!

While design aesthetics have always been important to us at Pupsik Studio, we never compromise on other important aspects such as safety, cost and comfort. All our pouches and made from special durable fabric with a slight stretch and triple-stitched together with one of the strongest and best quality thread available in the market. So fussy we are about the safety of our pouches that we actually sent them to be tested by an internationally certified professional body. Needless to say, our pouches passed with flying colours and has been proven to be able to carry weights up to 20kg without any visible signs of stress." End Quote

Firstly, having a REVERSIBLE design DOES NOT GIVE YOU TWO POUCHES IN ONE!
IT GIVES YOU TWO DESIGNS IN ONE POUCH!
Gosh, DO THE MATH!
You use one side of the pouch on day 1, fine.
You turn it inside-out on day 2 to use it, you're still having one number of pouch.

Okay, so this isn't a grammar mistake, I know!
But it still irks me.

Next;

"So fussy we are about the safety of our pouches that we actually sent them to be tested by an internationally certified professional body."

Sent? If they had only done it once and don't plan to do it again, then "sent" is ok.

If testing & certification is an on-going part of their manufacturing process, then the word should be "send".

ok, ok. I shall not write further.

Ciao.

Earth Day

In support of Earth Hour, (or was it Earth Day?), we were supposed to switch off non-essential lights & electrical points for 1 hour between 830-930 pm on Saturday 28th March. We joked about it cos I'll be at a wedding dinner. We joked that maybe I'll be eating with candlelights. Well, it didn't happen. It was a regular dinner banquet. Good thing it started at 8.00pm, not the usual 9 or 930pm! Nevertheless, it was really a struggle for me to attend. Eventhough I only had to walk from the drop off point, to the banquet hall, and back to the lobby, the pain / ache at the bottom was quite severe that night, despite resting for the whole day.

I don't know how else can I ease the discomfort besides limiting my walking to as minimal as possible.

Cousin Anna said I should prepare at least 5 sets of front-buttoned blouses / pajamas. Good idea but I need to go get them and now I can't really walk too much......... I wanted Marks & Spencer but Val said don't waste $$, go get from the market. Well,,, logical, since I'll only be using them for a short time but I'll look so terrible in them. Well,, we'll see how it goes.

Propping Up

View from the floor

I spent half a Saturday propping up my feet to make the water retention go away.

Luckily it works.

I find it very warm and peaceful just to lie on the matress on the floor.

I looked around the room, it glowed with sunlight and I felt very contented and peaceful.

I like being alone. I am quite a loner really.

Browsing through O magazine, reading about how Oprah struggled with her weight & thyroid issues and how she finally decided it is not about weight but rather, about self-love and embracing optimal health. About some people choosing "Simple Lives", leaving their city homes to live in the forest, about a woman saying how she stopped dying her grey hair cos she does not want to hide herself anymore.

One Updated Look

Not Glam, just One Updated Look.

My Swollen Feet

Oh,,,, so ugly,,,,,,

The effects of being pregnant.... swollen feet.

I count myself lucky that I only get this now...

Bear with it. It will go away.

Meantime,,,, I have ugly feet!!!!!! =(

~*sob*~ *sob*~

Earrings

My collection of earrings.

Mainly hooked, dangling ones.

Why?

Simply because it only takes a second to put them on.

You know, I'm lazy.

Make A Wish Ticket

While packing my stuff, I found some "21" bus tickets in my "treasure chest"

These tickets are a least 15 years old.

When in school, there was a fad to collect bus tickets with serial numbers adding to "21", for an example, if you get serial number 5835, means you add 5+8+3+5= 21. You can then use that ticket to make a wish. We always do this and feel that it is effective. One ticket for one wish.

This is some time in 1987 and I did this till I started working in the 90s (!!!!!) and to think that I saved these remaining tickets, oh I must have been taken in by this magic. Ha Ha.

Pettiskirts

Ai Yo! I love the greens & oh, the sunshine!

Pettiskirts for girls. www.pupsikstudio.blogspot.com and other baby stuff like sling pouches etc.
Mini bean pillows, plush pads, maternity stuff.

Portraits

Artist: Claerwen James

I like pop art, portraits & abstract (in this sequence).

One day, I will paint like this.

One day.

梅阑芳 Mei Lan Fang

The man who brought Peking Opera (Beijing Opera) to New York in 1937.

I am always enthralled by someone who lived through the ages, through major historic or cultural events. For instance, Mei Lan Fang, an opera artist- who lived through modernization, brought the first ever Peking Opera performance to New York, lived through second world war and was born in 1894, pigtail era! That is like one hell of an exciting lifetime. (If you survive that is)

Okay, what did I observe from the movie?

Firstly, revolution, resolution to stick to your guns in times of cultural upheaval.
Mei Lan Fang challenged his mentor in artistic terms. In the past, his acts were limited to silent performance, sitting at a corner and was like a prop character. When he ventured to a slight tilt of his head or by showing his profile,, the crowd went wildly crazy for him. He then challenged his mentor who agreed to have simultaneous performances where the performer with the most sold-out performances is winner. Defeat was too much to bear for the old mentor and he took his own life. Still, he encouraged the young performer to venture. 输，不可怕，怕才可怕。 There is no fear in loosing, there is only fear in fearing.

Secondly, I don't think I can understand the degree of sticking your ego to your passion.
The Japanese general commanded Mei Lan Fang to perform for them, either that or die.
Mei Lan Fang chose to die. He said no one would later on watch a "tinted" Mei Lan Fang should he perform for the enemy. This sentiment is the same with many war heros. But don't they think they should safe their lives so that they live on to contribute? I think we modern people may never know that degree of dignity they have.

Lastly, 悲美
Why do I say this?
Mei Lan Fang was a lonely boy, a lonely teen, a lonely adult. His suppossedly unique and supreme skills were by-products of his loneliness, melancholy, or some form of pining, longing for something missing. When he found his true love, he was all delighted, wanted to go on dates, was a happy man. But his "support system"- the people around him, his wife, his managers, business partners, All thought that it was disastrous. They forced them to seperate. A happy man will not be a good artist they deemed. They think that love will destroy him. And so the lover left him and his life was sacrificed for his art per se. Does it have to be 悲 to be 美? Why is this theme so common across artists of all era and cultures? Does it mean that the general public unconsciously enjoy being sad or see sadness as a form of beauty?

Weekend of 21st March 2oo9

I was out of action these few days mainly because I was having some kind of pain at the pubic bone. The doctor clarified if I was talking about my left and right thighs cos that is more probable to pain rather than the pubic bone area but I said no, it is the pubic bone. He then asked me to point out to him where exactly am I talking about, and so I pointed to the centre of the bottom which is the pubic bone alright. I mean, I did take Human Social Biology for my O Levels and I did score a B3 though I don't think you need to learn the subject to know what a pubic bone is but nevertheless I think the doctor was just trying to be sure he understood me correctly. So anyway, his guess is that baby's head is at the bottom hence the pressure and true enough, it is. Which is a good thing and that he said baby's head is quite big, hence the pressure again, which I think is expected, given that both Brendan and I have averagely bigger heads too. And I do hope that Kiki (baby's baby name) will make good use of the bigger brain mass and be cleverer and more intelligent than either of us. So as I was saying, I had to restrain myself from walking too much or even sitting upright for too long cos sometimes the pain is quite severe that I have problem lifting my legs to put on my pants. Given that I am so used to moving about, this self-imposed constraint takes some getting used to. Can you imagine I gave up shopping on Thursday just after 30 mins of walking, and to think that I took a cab home too. So, come Friday, I was homebound and been watching the stack of DVDs that Val loaned to me. I watched them over the laptop though, cos my TV is going kaput and has black lines across half the TV screen. It has been raining more than cats and dogs given the relentless lightnings and thunders, I talked to Kiki to let her hear my assuring voice over the thunders at the background. The rain recently is very severe, it unplugged over 20 medium sized tress at Jurong and the ironic thing is that at other times, the weather is so humid and dry that we perspire a lot. The adverse effects of global warming that was once a textbook theory is happening at our backyard. 

Oh ya, met up with Steph for dinner last night. Did some catching up and she's also having a baby girl this year! It'll be her second girl and she's due in July I think. 

Today is painting day at our new flat. you know, as much as we try to cut down on the renovation, it is still gonna cost a substantial amount, but like I've told Brendan, we'll just do whatever's necessary and whatever we can squeeze in, then leave the rest to phase II. The contractor we've got is really slow with the work and I guess we will have to give him some pressure to get going. He has only removed the kitchen cabinets and nothing else much in the 2 weeks that passed. We really need to complete all works in the next 2 weeks as I still need some time to get settled in before Kiki comes along and I have a hunch that she might be early. Whatever the case, I hope baby can wait a while more cos she has to gain some more weight. Talk about that, I'd better go get dinner. Anyway, we also need to get used to living in the new flat at least, and I've got to go collect all the baby stuff that my friends are handing down to me. The crib, the clothing, they all need to be washed don't they? And I still do not know what else I need to prepare....... gosh, talk about being last minute. So anyway, today is painting day and my brood of cousins had volunteered to help. So there they all are and I'm at home. I feel like I'm missing out some fun though. Well,,, really grateful for their helping hands. 

The case of Hoodwinking the human mankind

There was drama in my office last Friday & part II on Monday.
It affected the office atmosphere and I was rather upset for 3 days.
Today, I decided it was unhealthy for me to be occupied with this, hence I did a sketch to express how I saw what happened.
I am appalled by how a person could come up with trickery and how some others would be hoodwinked. Emotions ran high, but due the refusal to talk in an open manner, they continued to be deceited.

Well, I have pinned the sketch on my pedestal prominently.
For anyone who may get the message.

You know,, in the olden days where the commoners would be beheaded for commenting about the king, they embed their messages in the forms of songs, poems, idioms, puppetry, paintings, dramas & nursery rhymes.

Picture Like This

I like picture like this.

Last week, I read about a nobel man,,,,, who according to the article is an artist.

He runs free painting & art workshops for ex-prisoners, HIV patients, unemployed, the destitute. He says art is a form of theraphy, which i fully agree and applaud. What i had to "party-poop" here is that the things he does for those people are not art! Come on,,, painting on clay or wooden templates on mass fabricated materials are what,,,, art & craft. Not art. He went on to say about how he also consults his teacher from Paris etc. If that piece of thing did not stir or intrigue you,, how can it be loosely called art. (note that i didn't end with a question mark)

Of course his efforts goes a thousand miles, but it is not art.

TV from the 70s

Someone threw away an antique TV set at the lift lobby area.

My uncle used to have something similar but it was a more modern-looking Aiwa brand if I remember correctly. There is a shutter in the front that could be locked. I think it was because in the past, watching programmes from the TV was a luxury and was a controlled activity. Or else I can't think of the use of having the shutter. Oh,, maybe it was to keep away dust.

I wonder why did my neighbour keep this apparently broken TV for at least two decades before discarding. (there are cobwebs on the frame). Maybe he has just cleaned out his house.

Weekend of 7th & 8th March 2009

Lunch at Khansama- Norris Road (Serangoon)

Pam & HJ

There are many friends on wait-list to have dinner with me........

I have to do it one at a time..

On schedule:-

Pam- 7 Mar

PW- KIV

Steph- trying to squeeze a date. 13th? Got to work on 14th....

Val & A- trying to squeeze a date,,, maybe 20th

MH ex-colleagues- 21 Mar

PH's daughter's wedding dinner- 28 Mar

And I have lots of running around to do too..

Saturday **

Went to CityGas to try and get a cooker-oven. People tell me the cost is about $600++ but they are outdated. Cookers are now $800++ to over a thousand dollars. We've checked like four different stores and they are all that price range. Guess what, Mustafa has the best prices. So, we're getting our cooker stove from there, along with 3 nos. Mistri Standing fans, (no budget for air-con!), 1 no. washing machine, 1 no. refrigerator and 1 no. instant water heater.

Met Pam for morning tea while we wait for HJ to finish her "whole brain development" class and Abacus class at Delphi Orchard. She still has Chinese Drama & Violin at NAFA in the afternoons. Not forgetting swimming on Sundays. Wow, that girl's schedule is full but she enjoys it.

Then, we headed to Little India for lunch cos Bren & I were going to Mustafa to survey the price for the electrical items we needed. Pam brought us to this Tandori restaurant and I fell in LOVE with its tomato soup! I loved it so much, I asked Bren to bring me there again on Sunday to have it. Only this time the captain forgot my order and when I reminded her,,, she said I did not order it!!!!!!!! You cannot disappoint a pregnant woman on food!!! It is terrible. I didn't get over it even after my evening nap! I did not have the soup back ordered because I was already full by the time I realised it was not coming. I could only blame myself for not asking the captain to repeat my orders. Lesson learnt!

** Sunday

3 groups of people came for house viewing in the morning. Thankfully the agent arranged for all of them to be present at the same time. They were all young couples and from the look of it,, they were just scouting.

Then it was that disappointing non-appearance of the tomato soup episode.

Then,,, while we were out of the restaurant,,, I had a vein in the womb that became painful. So painful that I couldn't walk further. SOS,, headed straight for home. Took a nap and woke up fine. I think baby in the tummy is growing, hence the pressure. So,,,,,,, I should better rest as much as I can. No more galivanting?

What I do with my i-pod Touch

I've recently bought some lessons on baby signing on-line. I'm learning to sign the alphabets, and later on some food signs and 2 nursery songs. I am just gonna explore whatever I read or come across for early childhood education and have fun as I go along.

I play a round of Checkers almost every day too.

I don't play Chess,,, it is too sophisticated for me. I am not a sophisticated learner and I tend to give up quite easily too. So, Checkers is good enough for me.

It is not very fun playing with the computer because it is very adamant in winning. If we are at a dead-lock stance, it will go on and on flying its only King to and fro until you, - the more sensible one of the two, give up or end the game.

I now train my brain muscle to re-think a little by reversing the chess board, instead of moving forward to win, I move inward to win. Don't underestimate this small chage in view, your brain will have to re-wire a little and still form its winning strategy.

Arcade Games Alike

To keep my reflexes in check, I play these arcade games,, like shooting bubbles and making hamburgers while the clock is counting down, ticking away.

Not Daytona

Well, this is not as exciting as Daytona but for a hand-held device, the motion is smooth and given that this easy mode is downloaded for free, I must say it is above satisfactory for me.

I have lost the confidence & skill to drive for real, it is something that was suddenly switched off in me and I couldn't get it back. Plus I have given up on myself already. So, until the unlikely event that my skills are rekindled, I will have the cheap thrill with racing games instead.

Doodle Kids

I am quite simple when it comes to games & applications.

I think I am still quite kiddish.

This is like a blank sketch board, you just let your fingers do the drawing.

Instead of a common pen or crayon effect, the lines that you form are in a string of stars, shapes, asterix, arrows, symbols; of varied colours.

To clear the sketch board, you just have to shake the screen.

I was told that this software was written by a 9-year-old Singaporean boy, for his little sister.

Wow.

Geometric Circles

I like to look at this application in the dark, especially at night, in bed. The glowing techni-colours are very attractive and I often gaze at them.

With the i-pod touch, you can use your fingers to just expand or compress the circles, forming various geometric circle-designs. With your index finger, you can twirl in circular motions to see the multi-techni-colour changing, and you can draw the lines with your fingers too.

Many of us are reminded of the plastic template we have when we were young, you know, the one with 3 circles template with holes for your coloured pens, you just twirl as you draw to form geometric circles with varied number of pencil lines & colours. Now this is just the more advanced version of what we had I guess.

Exciting New Home

No, this is not a newly built flat, it is old, like 34 years old.

It is new to us, as in, we're moving there soon. So, yes, this is our new home.

Chop-chop, quickly, we're starting the renovation work and got to quickly have everything done in month of March.

Oh, I was so very tired last Saturday. We went over the the flat, there was no stool or chair. I waited around only from the afternoon to evening and boy oh boy, was I exhausted. I had to paste Tiger menthol plasters on by lower back and knees when I got home! I was aching all over and I am rather prone to Rheumatism too. Really ought to take care.

Well, although I won't be physically invoved in the reno-work, there is still lots of running around and decision making,,,, so, I'll really be busy these few weeks!

Our Commonwealth Nest

Our Commonwealth flat is being put on sale.

We advertised on the classified in the Straits Times last week and there were a few responds.

Because we are asking for very high cash above valuation, something like $50,000 cash,,,, there were only three viewings we conducted over the past 4 days. There is an offer made today but I don't think we will take it. Let's be patient and find that happy, willing buyer currently at large.

I will miss our commonwealth flat for sure, cos it's where it all started. But I shall just retain all the great memories and move on with my life. To make matters seem a little worse,,,,,,, there is this new neighbour on the ground floor, she is from Philippines and she has a twin son & daughter and she is expecting another baby in April. Several of my neighbuors gather at the lift lobby's sitting area which is outside her house. They have been doing that often and chit chatting. Every time Bren & I come out of the lift,, they tease us,, like "oh so loving." etc etc. They are very excited about me expecting a baby and they always say "oh, bigger already hah?" pointing to my stomach. Makes me wonder why this sweetness comes at this time when we're gonna say goodbye =(

Well,,,,,,, we can visit them as and when I guess. Or at least for now, I just ought to just savor the moment.

The Painting's Up Again

Okay, let's see.

Brendan's father is working-in-progress on the wall in his living room.

Can you somehow picture what he has in mind?

Farewell Lunch @ Yatch Club

When we have a new colleague, we welcome the person with a lunch.

When someone resigns from the office, we send the person well wishes with a farewell lunch.

Do we eat & eat? or is feasting part of a celebration.

I can't eat much. A regular meal is just that. An ocassional break from the office is also welcomed, to break my routine. Sometimes I work like a robot.

After the Rain

Many people are in awe with the Rainbow. No doubt I'm also one.

I always think it's like God is giving me a sign to say Hey, all's good and here's a treat!

Or that it's an added encouragement for something auspicious.

The first time my parents met Brendan for dinner, there was a very huge & brilliant rainbow across the sky. My mom & I were very elated. It was like an added highlight to the event, though it was just dinner at a coffeeshop. Coincidentally, we ended up living in that estate Commonwealth Drive, the place we had dinner with my parents some 7 years ago.

Then yesterday, there was a rainbow again. Though this rainbow was half the size of the one I saw 7 years back, and it was not even half as brilliant, but it was stilll rather captivating. And it seemed to spring from our block- 89. (this is really not the case as it depends on where you're viewing it from. the sky is very huge, so no, the rainbow did not begin here). But for my self- indulgence 自我陶醉, I will take it as a good sign that we're gonna sell our flat for a very good price. Ha Ha.

We are getting our keys to the Marine Parade Flat tomorrow!! Hurray!

Then, we will be very busy for the next few weeks. Things are on track and I shall let you in on the happenings whenever.

K, baby in tummy is fine. She is stretching, rolling her limps on the surface from inside, and knocking, like tapping me over a hundred times at one go. I really wonder what's happening when she does that. Is she trying to communicate with me? We talk to her only on the few opportunities we have,, like in the evenings, before bedtime and in the morning. Brendan is so funny,, he'll go like "Kiki, rainbow, R-A-I-N-B-O-W, rainbow". hahhahahaha. emmm. For me,, I'm singing the ABCs to her in the evenings. I'm learning baby signing (yes, hand signs) and I've begin with ABC signings first.

So,,,, this is it.

Weekend of 21 & 22 February

My cousin Anna has given birth to a baby boy!
She was 2 weeks ahead of her due date, supposedly in March.
Wow,, good for her, it's done! Hahaha.

Oh,,, I shall be patient with myself.
Not that i'm impatient,, it's that sometimes if I have too much time, I get anxious and start entertaining worrying thoughts.

So I shall keep myself busy isn't it?

Last Saturday, cousin Liang & Jenny had their house warming.
They live in the same area as Anna & Johnny. Sekang Central. Good thing they have Buangkok MRT nearby. Or else that place is really far. Not that the MRT makes it less far but probably a little more accessible. The new HDB nowadays looks more like Condominium apartments. With modern furnishings, it is as posh. This will make my next home look old as it is an old estate. But I would take an old flat at the drop of the hat as I am too accustomed to living in mature estates.
My parents' place was the best ever location. It is surrounded by Hotels, the Great World City and Zouk is just a traffic light away. There was Isetan at the former Apollo Hotel too. Not to mention I could take a river taxi back home from Clark Quay. Well,, the flats are being en-bloc, so,,, all these will be in my memory.

Been packing my book shelves on Sunday. Still got more to go.

Will be giving away many books & stuff.

Oh, watched the movie Ip Man 叶问 on DVD twice!
I liked the movie, not just in awe with the Kungfu master (his character) but also in awe with 永春拳 (the yong chun martial art). I am inspired to keep fit!

Lastly, I didn't know Bruce Lee was so charming too. (there was an old photo clip of him with his master Ip Man at the end of the credit roll). I should go find the picture to show you.

Saturday @ Geylang

PW is back from her 2.5 years overseas stunts at Phuket & Hainan (China) and she's back for good. Said she was worn-out and would need to recuperate before she wanna work again. She may also want to have a career change. Well, for anyone who's burnt-out, it is understandable.

We invited PW & my mom to take a look at our Marine Parade flat as our house agent asked us to view it once more before the deal is being finalized. I do hope we get the keys this week so that all our plans can start rolling.

After visiting our place, we went Geylang to see PW's investment apartment. It is smacked in the middle of the red lights district and there were hoards of foreign girls paddling themselves on the street. I am surprised there were young, Singaporean-looking handsome men picking them up. I had always thought that the clients were old men and didn't think that young handsome chaps would need to pay for sex.

PW's flat bought about 2 years back (if you can remember an old entry on this), is really a good investment. Now that our local public HDB flats are at exorbitant prices, her 1300 sq ft, freehold 3-bed room apartment is a steal for $360K. We are happy that it proved to be a good investment and the three of us began to talk further about other future investment plans. We do this periodically when we meet. I call it our "Club Eleven" meeting. This is our personal club where the three of us aim to learn, share, grow together and achieve financial freedom with investments in property. Alas, we do see some progress since we've grouped up in 2005.

PW said she loves this fish head steamboat at lorong 20, so we had dinner there.
I think the one my sis brought me, at Boon Keng was better, maybe because I prefer the milky soup base compared to this clear version. Nevertheless, it was quite good too.

Surprise, surprise.

Happy Valentine's Day.

A Valentines Special

Me: if not, you come over in the evenings?

Friend: it's V. day!!! u guys should spend some time alone

Me: oh ya!

Me: no need lah. unless you have a date. =P

Me: we every day so loving already mah.

Friend: haha... no date... but chatting w a guy online

Friend: can b more loving on v. day

Me: we are not romatic most of the time. i think some ocassional small acts do occur,, but most of the time they are unplanned.

Friend: do u think i should find someone who has a successful career or rich or at least ambitious??

Friend: if it's a low-level civil servant w laid back attitude...

Me: i cant tell you that

Me: i personally didnt look for riches

Me: ambition for me is important though, but i didnt find it in brendan

Me: how about just someone who loves you

Me: and you love

Friend: yah... u guys were young n the attraction was so strong that u can't think straight

Me: i think that is for me,,,, important

Me: in terms of practicality, riches is important....... but riches is fickle too.

Me: what will you do with someone who may seek for younger girls when we hit like 60.

Me: so,, to me,,, the love is important.

Me: it is hard to find a right guy,, i dont think he exists. we just have to make it work or at least make it worth working.

Friend: yah... i'm listening to frank sinatra now..'when somebody loves u, it's no good unless they loves u..all the way"

Me: go with your gut feelings

Me: ah haha.

Me: you know, bren & i also have differing views abt ever lasting love.

Me: although we may feel like we are ever lasting, he is quite impartial.

Me: that day, i dreamt of quite an emotional dream

Me: i dreamt that singapore was at war and there was major chaos & unrest

Me: everyone had to evacuate and everyone ran under police's custody / protection

Me: i was with my dad and we were supposed to go back to the flat to meet my mom & sis and then evacuate together

Me: then we realised we were short of one paperwork which was needed to show the police to prove our citizenship

Me: i told my dad to go get the document and then meet us up at the flat. while i go get the people ready.. cos everyone was panicking.

Me: sorry my story is so long

Me: when i got to the flat,, there was my mom, sis, my sis' best friend and one young boy like 5 yrs old. (seemed like my son or something)

Me: the policewoman was at the door and she was taking attendance and asking us to quickly leave with her if we want protection.

Me: my mom got up to leave

Me: then i told her to SIT DOWN

Me: i said no one leaves

Me: i told the policewoman,, you leave. we are on our own. cos i am waiting for my dad to meet us here.

Friend: continue

Me: the police woman said ok, we're on our own. they will monitor and see if we managed to survive the war

Me: then i turned to my family and said, we must wait for my father cos we cannot change a plan half way through and leave the person stranded.

Me: i didnt ask for their opinion, i just took charge.

Me: so that was the end of the dream

Me: i was sharing my dream with brendan and he said i could have let my family go with the police first

Me: then the chances of safety is higher

Me: i said there is no point to survive if the family dont survive as a whole

Friend: u wanted to stick together

Me: what's the point of living when your family died

Friend: wah...

Me: i said as a family, you must strife together, like that make it or break it, you are together

Me: he kept quite, didnt argue or what but he was understanding me.

Me: this is what i will do in real life too

Me: so no matter how long you are with a person, you may be still learning about the person

Me: to quote albert enstien (sp) "the answers change"

Me: what you will do today in a given situation,, you may do it differently a couple of years later.

Me: while some things you wouldn't change.

Me: if a guy makes you tingle a little, heart beat faster a little, makes you wanna dress up a little,

Me: i say go for it.

Me: who cares what others have to say

Me: i dont

Me: find love

Me: we are here to explore it, get hurt by it, express it and most of all, to experience it.

Me: wow i can coin a quote now

Me: hahahahhaha

Friend: haha

Wrapping Up CNY 2009 with 元宵节

There were actually quite a few pictures I want to show you.
Mainly of 捞鱼生 and some Teochew Dishes of the dinner we had at Ah Hoi (Chinatown) where Aunt Lily celebrated her 55th BD and took some money from CPF.
But that Kingston SD card is faulty and I couldn't donwload the pictures.
Now that I'm using this Samsung touch-phone, the photo quality sucks eventhough it is 5 mega pix. It pales in comparison to the old Sony-Ericsson & Casio Exlim (3.2). So ladies and gentlemen, Sony still has the best cybershot phones, trust me.
I hope Sony can come up with a VERY SLIM cybershot phone. I am quite a sucker for everything slim, electronically.

You have not heard from me about the yearly card games at the office.
This is because I won and lost my winnings of $4,000.
You may say that I should have stopped at $4K but you really won't understand. There is never a formular with gambling. Never. It is just a game of chance. That is why you must always only treat it as an entertainment and only play with money you can afford to spare. If not, don't even attempt it. This year, the luckiest banker won $250K & $130K in two seperate sessions. So you can imagine some other players out there have lost that much.

Other than that, I am good.

3 more months to go before baby's due. Yesterday, there was some mild discomfort around the groin (it is not a bad word, it is the body part referring to "the area between the tops of the thighs and the abdomen") and I was quite worried cos it lasted till this morning. Luckily the discomfort subsided. The dummy book i read says that it is common to have some form of slight pain or cramp throughout pregnancy as the uterus is growing from the size of a pear to a melon (or for some people, watermelon. haha). I take comfort in that but we still have to monitor our conditions closely I guess.

Timeline is rather tight for us. Hope, pray that all will be fine.
Still waiting for HDB to approve early release of keys to our new flat.
Hope, pray the contractor we have in mind will do an excellent job in 2 weeks.
Hope, pray the good, experienced maternity aunty will be available for me.
Hope, pray money will be more than enough.
Hope, pray we will have spare cash to get a maid, get a good, honest, reliable maid.
I'm looking forward to all of these, I'm looking forward to my flourished life.

Btw- Ashley, sorry didn't respond to message on facebook... office banned the site.
Yes, I'm excited for you too. Are you having a boy? I dreamt that you named your baby "Trevor". Ha ha. (quick check from wikipedia - Trevor is also a name of Irish origin. It is a reduced Anglicized form of Gaelic Ó Treabhair (descendant of Treabhar), a byname meaning "industrious", "tight", or "prudent"). Well, for myself, I have not got an inspiration for my baby's English name yet but her Chinese name will most likely be Qiqi 琦琦. That was like an instinct Brendan got from thin air. =)

CNY 2009

I look really fat in this woolen dress!
But for the first time, I am happy to put on weight.
I am also glad that my tummy is finally showing and doctor assured that Qiqi (baby in my tummy) is doing fine.

Stamps

I was cleaning out the drawers two weeks back and came across this bag of stamps that Brendan's father gave me some many years ago. I am not a stamp collector but I do appreciate these very old stamps, though they are by no means vintage, they are some 20 year-old. From India, Indonesia, Philippines, Australia, UK, USA, Malaysia, Japan & local ones. Brendan's mom used to be a domestic house cleaner for many expatriates when she was up and running before she had a stroke in 2000. The stamps were from the many letters and postcards from her relatives and employers. She must have been much a yakker (someone who chats a lot). I did not really get to know her very well before the stroke but I can tell you, her personality has changed. I have noticed a few stroke patients being a very different person from their hay days. For one, they now laugh much more, it is like a circuit in the brain clicked or brokedown (?) and made them more susceptible to laugh. I am not kidding, you can go observe this phenomenon.

Singapore Jam

Jam is when your car couldn't move an inch even when the traffic lights turn green.

The Singapore traffic is getting very bad.

I now reach work at 8 in the morning, though work starts at 830.

Not because I am such an enthusiastic worker but because I hate to listen to Brendan's angst when the traffic gets thick. So, we leave for work much earlier than required when there are fewer cars on the road. And that is just the first leg of a day's journey.

Traffic in the evenings is worse, and there is little you can do about it. I can't be waiting for the traffic to lessen till 8 at night right?Knocking off at 6 is like a bad time. For a journey that normally takes 20 mins, you can now expect it to be 40 or 60. I dread thinking about how it would be when we move to Marine Parade where we have to commute from West to East in the evenings. Just hope we can work something out then.

Greeting Cards the Old Fashioned Way

I was doing my ritual on writing and mailing CNY greeting cards during one lunch break 2 weeks back when my colleagues were all puzzled why anyone will still practise this at this day and age.

They kept telling me there's something called the e-card.

I had to reply that I am old fashioned when it comes to CNY.

I do this every year.

Happy Lunar New Year

Happy Lunar New Year, everyone.

I love the Lunar New Year.

Used to hate it but not anymore.

Used to feel that those endless questions like... "when are you getting married?" etc were a nuisance, but now I know that people are just caring about me in their own ways. What else can they ask? It is not as if I'm good at socializing, I find myself asking about them about general stuff too. I have not finished "92 ways to talk about anything" nor have I practised it. Malcolm always asks me when he sees me, "so have you practised talking to the aunties like I've taught you?". You see, Malcolm told me he too was poor at socializing before. Then he started to break the mould by making small talks to the aunties at the hawkers like commenting on small stuff or cracking some jokes. He says it will get easier on a larger scale. Whatever it is, it is just to awkward for me to be an extrovert although I truly like people. Anyway, I've given up trying too hard cos I would rather be true to myself and my fine thoughts for them are worth more than some small talks that I could conjure. Oh ya, now that I'm gonna be a mother, I wonder if I should at least force myself to break the shy-mould. I've watched this wonderful BBC documentary "Child of our time" where they took 25 new borns and studied them from pre-natal to 5 years-old. The study is on-going and they will broadcast the next season after the children turns 10. It is to be a 25-year study! I watched this some 5 years ago and many of the topics interest me so much that I could still remember much of the programme. The children comes from varied social-economic backgrounds, single parenthood, step-parent, wealthy professional parents, middle-income ones and parent-on-the-run (from abusive partners). There was this couple who were painfully shy and they realised their son is also lacking in social skills. So they moved from their foresty haven to a house with more neighbours nearby. The mother joined more community activities and developed new hobbies for herself. After several months (a few short years), she has drastically become well-liked and gets invited to many activities and her son has also become much livelier and socially acceptable. I wonder if I will make the effort or will it come naturally later. There was also one very intersting study from that programme-- they put each baby in a room by himself/herself (when they were about 8 mth-old I think) and the scientist made some noise from behind the wall. The scientist would go :" Hello there! How are you?" or something like that. Being an unfamilar voice, some of the babies would burst into tears while some would be very inquisitive and perk up their heads to find the source of the voice. There are generally just these two reactions from the babies. The interesting thing is that these babies grow to become either shy or adventurous. The traits become more obvious as they grow and it is said that it is what makes some of us go sky-diving and why some of us will never take the plunge. It goes as far to say that this trait is inborn in us but could be moderated with conscious efforts. (eg: extra encouragement is needed for those timid kids to nurture them to be more exploring). Whatever the case, social skills are important and will let you go a long way, and so I think.

I am off tomorrow to the gynea and I'll be off on Friday to the HDB.
Will probably go buy some new tops for myself and send the can of New Moon abolone to Grandpa. Also probably need to do some further spring cleaning at home, not that we expect any visitors but just to get the mood going too. I am grateful for having this small flat as it has given us our own space and growth. I will miss it when I move and so I treasure it while I'm in the moment.

Ok, shall update you next week on all the new year happenings, meantime, Gong Xi Fa Cai!